Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
