nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
