Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
