Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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