I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
