One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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