the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
