Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
