I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
