tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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