I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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