barbara walters just said penis...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
