her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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