I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
