THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
