shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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