If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
