I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
