Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
