something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
