i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
