You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
