He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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