I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
