You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just sucked dick on a ferry
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
