No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
