Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
