Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
