Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
