I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
