remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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