I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
