P.S. I can't hear my feet
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
me + whiskey = a bad person
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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