We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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