oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
