Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
