We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
