My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There are leaves in my underwear?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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