I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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