News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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