If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
