apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
