i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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