I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
