If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
