i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
