ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize