Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
