Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
