What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
