Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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