Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
