I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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