it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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