Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And then he peed in my hair
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