i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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