Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
