i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
