Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
