Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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