the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
