I hope mine doesn't look like that
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
