so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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