The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
