I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
