I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you made out with another girl for some wings
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
